Have you ever caught yourself wondering why you’re not more like the people you read about?

I have.
And this week, I had a quiet breakthrough:
I’ve been reading books wrong all along.

Instead of learning how to become more like the people in the stories, I needed to learn how they became more of themselves.

That simple shift changes everything.

The Comparison Trap (and Why It’s So Dangerous)

When we read to become like someone else, we step right into the comparison trap.
And if social media has taught us anything, it’s just how toxic and fake those comparisons often are.

Accounts like Influencers in the Wild show us the behind-the-scenes reality — staged, curated, and mostly fake.

Books can be the same if we’re not careful.
We see someone’s shining moments and think,
“Why can’t I get my life together like they have?”

But that path only damages our self-worth and blinds us to what’s truly remarkable about ourselves.

Even worse, it can lead to unhealthy guru worship — and we all know how those stories usually end.

A Better Way to Read (and Grow)

Here’s the better way to approach it:

Don’t read to imitate.
Read to observe.

Look for the choices, habits, and values that allowed someone to step more fully into who they already were.

That’s the real gift a good book offers:
Examples of what it looks like to live with full expression and freedom.

Why It’s So Hard to Be Ourselves

We weren’t raised for authenticity.
We were raised to fit in.

As a gay man, this was especially true for me.
Before coming out, my survival depended on blending in — telling a believable story about myself to avoid being outed.

If you tell a story long enough, you start to believe it yourself.

Unless you wake up.
Unless you realize it’s a story you were never meant to live.

The Truth About Being Different

I’m different — and not just because of my sexuality.

I feel differently.
I think differently.
I learn and express myself differently.

Books have made me feel less alone — a way of glimpsing people who experience the world like I do.
But I made the mistake of trying to turn pieces of their lives into a blueprint for mine.

That’s not how it works.

You will never live someone else’s story.
You’re not supposed to.

How to Step More Fully Into Who You Are

If you want fulfillment, it starts with three steps:

1. Identify Your Values

Journal about what matters most to you.
What virtues and principles do you want to live by and pass down?

2. Accept Yourself Without Apology

If you’re smart, own it.
If you’re kind, own it.
If you’re fierce in business, own that too.

Stop apologizing.
Stop shrinking.
Stop pretending to be less.

3. Find Your People

Surround yourself with others who are equally unapologetic about living their truth.

When you’re around people who are fully themselves, it gives you permission to be fully yourself too.

Your Story Won’t Look Like You Thought — And That’s Okay

As I read a book this week, I caught myself thinking,
“Maybe if I follow this guy’s steps, I can become like him.”

But I realized:
You’re not supposed to be him, Chad. You’re supposed to be you.

Your story might not look the way you expected.
It might not look like what others expected either.

But it can still be great.
And greatness demands that you become more of yourself, not less.

What Fulfillment Really Means

At the end of the day, what most of us are chasing isn’t just happiness or success.
It’s fulfillment.

The root of the word fulfillment comes from the idea of being full, whole, complete.

And if you want to feel full — if you want to feel like yourself —
you have to stop hiding.
You have to stop asking yourself to be less.

You have to be more of who you already are.